Sunday, 22 February 2015

Different

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Different atau dalam bahasa is berbeza. Apa yg berbeza? The answer is hidup aku.

Hidup aku betul2 upside down wei. Aku takut aku tak mampu nak hadapi hidup ni. Mimpi semalam menakutkan aku. Satu hari aku fikirkan mimpi aku tapi aku cuba untuk lupakan. Tapi tak boleh. Dan sekarang baru aku rasa effectnya. Aku betul2 takut.

Aku takut.
Aku sedih.
Aku tak kuat.

Ya, aku tahu Allah takkan bagi dugaan yang hamba-Nya tak mamu nak handle.

Tapi semua ni terlalu berat, Ya Rabb.

Plus, aku taknak hilang orang yang aku sayang.

Paling takut, kalau aku jatuh, aku tak mampu nak bangun sendiri. Aku perlu sokongan. Aku perlukan tangan untuk bantu aku bangun. Tangan yang sudi dan hati yang ikhlas.

Kadang2 aku fikir, betul ka orang yang aku rasa dia sayang aku, betul2 sayang aku dengan erti kata sebenar. Atau aku saja yang syok sendiri. Even kawan yang paling rapat dengan aku pon, didn't said that I'm the first rank of friends she loves.

Aku nak ubah semua ni kepada asal balik. Aku nak semua macam dulu balik.

Please.

Aku mohon. Aku nak putar balik masa.






Post ni tak panjang, tapi cukup untuk puaskan hati aku walaupun air mata masih berdegil nak keluar.

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Sunday, 1 February 2015

Lost

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

One of my hope had already ruined. To have a perfect beginning of  2015. But what happen to me now?

A week before the school started, we are informed that we have to started our first school day at the new building. I didn't feel excited at all. Because you know what? I love the old Al-Mashoor more. There's a lot of memories created for the whole 3 years I'd been living there. Maybe the things there are all new - including the rules which turned to more stress - but not us, the students.

The new Al-Mashoor do give me a lot of pain. But still, we try to have fun and appreciate the new school.

But what would you do if it's turned out to be more painful? We just enjoying the first week at the new Al-Mashoor but that week end up with thousands tank of tears. Form 4 were informed that the school will kick a few students to give 15 new students places to enter the school. What would you feel if you have to lose a lot of friends just in a week? Yes, they were given a week more to stay there and you know what? A week isn't enough. Maybe there's no one that I close have to move but you know what hurting? It's hurt watch others friendship to be apart. I just watch and it felt hurt. I couldn't imagine what I would be like if one of my closest friends have to move too.

And it's so hurt when Wardina said to me that she will move out in one week more.

Do you even called a person 'human' if s/he didn't cry when losing someone s/he love?

For me, I don't.

And in that one week, I have to lose a teacher I love the most. She's my idol in that school and I do love her so much. I love Bahasa Arab because of her. She taught me with full of patient because I know, I pained her so much. If you read my last post then you will know what I did.

It's hard to let all of them go. But what can I do? I don't even have any power to make them stay. There's no other way anymore. I just have to learn to accept the fate and have a faith in Him. I know there's reasons behind all this. If we really mean to be friends than for sure we will meet again one day. I hope they wouldn't forget us here and all memories we have created, either sweet, sour or bitter.

I cried a lot till it felt like there's no more tears in my tank. You know.... it's really do hurt so much.

I just prayed that I could move on even without them. Maybe that's what's the best. I have to force myself for it. Yes it's give pain but there's no other choice. 

I really have to focus on study and nasyid in the same time. I got new percussion you know! I played 4 music instruments. Isn't it cool? And hey! I forgot to inform you guys something. I was in Account class in the first place but I got a chance to change it to Science and I felt happy for that. But still, the happiness can't cover the pain of losing people we love. 




Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.